Testosterone = 74 - Crud, Advise needed

Thank you for your prayers with me and my mom.  I'm at a place that I have to just leave it in God's hands.

So about the testosterone, the interesting thing is that no one ordered it.  The lab mistakenly ran it so we won't be getting charged for it.  This feel like God to me.  Does anyone know about natural treatments to reduce Testosterone??

Broken Hearted

Every time I talk to my mom I become more broken hearted.  She called tonight with some bad news about a family member that she was very close to as a child.  I tried to be there for her but soon I was really having to keep myself in check as she started gossiping.  I managed to stay civil but I didn't handle it as well as I would have liked.  I hate all the dramatic gossip that seems to be a part of every conversation that she has and I want to  protect me and my family from it.  I really don't know exactly how to do that but I seem to be getting better.  At least tonight I said that something to the effect that there was no point in us gossiping about something that neither of us had anything to do with.  That seemed to get through to her on some level.

The thing that I'm the most upset with though is pretty silly and yet it still hurts me.  She told me what my Christmas gift was from my aunt.  My aunt is not the best at giving gifts that I could ever use but each year I have the hope, until I open the box, that this year might be different.  And my mom just blurts out something about how my aunt knows that I probably can't use the gift and tells me generally what it is.  It didn't even fit with the conversation.  My husband's take is that my mom derives the bulk of her self worth from being a source of information.  I think he's right and there in lies the problem.  She's like the national enquirer.  Anything she hears, sees, etc. is told to everyone she can think of as fast as she can, even when she's sworn to secrecy.  And even though I know this, every time it's shoved in my face again, my heart breaks a little more.  How do you tell your child that they can't trust their grandmother?  Crud!

I guess the bright spot is that  I was pretty sad and confused that she was only going to come down for the afternoon of the 26th...  I think she doesn't like our rules.  Anyway, now I'm glad that it will be a very short visit.

Oh well, it's time to pick myself up and make my daughter's Christmas extra special.  E and I finally decided on S's big gift last night and I was able to find it for a good price with free overnight shipping this morning (Wednesday am - obviously I'm up late).  I can't wait to see the look on her face.  Hopefully all this drama with my mom will make me a better mom for S...  I can hope right?

I pray that each and every one of you has a most blessed end to this Advent Season!

Oh! Our Christmas Cards turned out pretty good I think.  If you'd like one, send me an e-mail at crunchycatholicmama@yahoo.com

Urgent Prayer Request

Please pray for this family as they prepare to take their infant off ECMO and trust in God's plan.

Expectant Faith

I'm sorry I haven't blogged here in so long.  I've blogged on my other blog a few times but I just couldn't blog here.  I tried last week and I couldn't finish the post.

Then today it hit me.  I know what my problem is.  My family of origin is so broken that this time of year is extremely hard on me.  What I realized today is that I'm failing to live in expectant faith that God will heal me and my family in His time.  Why was this so hard for me to see before today?  Funny how I have to learn the same lessons over and over again.

I had to learn this lesson with wanting to be a wife and mother and now here I am learning the lesson again.  I yearned to be a wife and mother for 14 years before I was able to become a wife and then yearned to be a mother for 2 more years before S came along.  I guess I am improving a little though as the big blow up with my family really hit right about 2 years ago and I'm realizing now that I really have to give this to God and live in expectant faith.  It took me WAY longer that 2 years to get to this place in regard to being a wife and mother.  I was so angry and so hateful for so long that God blessed me in not letting me get married or pregnant during that time.  Oh the pain that He has saved me from.

Lately I really have been in an angry, hateful place.  It's hard to admit that but I have.  I'm still really angry about what went on two years ago and since.  On the advice of one of my favorite priests I've really limited contact with my family of origin and that has helped some, but obviously not to the point that I would have hoped.  I'm nervous about my mom coming for Christmas as I know that the scab is getting ripped off...  Hopefully I can remember to offer it up.

Prayer Buddy - In this last week of Advent, please pray for healing in my family of origin.

Thank you!

Thank you for the prayers.  They helped immensely.  We ended up with quite the miracle here.  I'm not ready to talk about it publicly but if you know my other blog, I've posted there.  E-mail me if you need the link or access.

Thanksgiving was a nice quiet affair...  just me, E and S.  We actually got started on our prep so late on Thanksgiving that we had our turkey dinner on Friday.  It was nice and relaxed and just what I needed.  Funny as I was really upset the week before that it was just going to be the three of us.

I feel so blessed and yet I wish I could share with my family.  Prayer buddy please pray for healing in my family of origin.  Too much to get into tonight but there is so much brokenness in my family.

I pray that each and everyone of you had a very blessed Thanksgiving and an even more blessed start to Advent!  -C.C.

Prayer Request

There is so much I want to write here today and yet all that comes out is "Please pray for me."  I can't get into it right now but any prayers would be greatly appreciated.

Prayer Buddy Reveal

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this posted.  It's been a bit crazy around here.  I'll update on the craziness later in the week.  Onto the reveal...

I was excited to get the email letting me know that I would have the honor of praying for another crunchy mama who knows the pain of IF.  I not only enjoy what she writes on her blog but also what she writes on mutual friends FB pages.  Funny enough I've read her blog here and there for some time but I had just finally added her to my google reader a few days before the prayer buddy match up e-mails went out.  Since I don't think that I'd ever commented on her blog before, I didn't want to start during the prayer buddy time and risk outing myself.

My prayer buddy has had a roller coaster ride lately with a potential adoption that fell through and then finding out that her beautiful daughter needs surgery...  through it all she has maintained the grace that we've all come to expect from her...  of course I'm talking about Lauren at Magnify the Lord With Me.

I ask everyone to join me in praying for Lauren's sweet little girl A on Tuesday.

I also want to thank Tess from The Lighthouse for praying for me and my family.  I'd never seen Tess' blog before I received her e-mail this weekend...  out little blogging world is growing by leaps and bounds!  Thank you Tess!  I look forward to getting to know you.