I'm sorry I haven't blogged here in so long. I've blogged on my other blog a few times but I just couldn't blog here. I tried last week and I couldn't finish the post.
Then today it hit me. I know what my problem is. My family of origin is so broken that this time of year is extremely hard on me. What I realized today is that I'm failing to live in expectant faith that God will heal me and my family in His time. Why was this so hard for me to see before today? Funny how I have to learn the same lessons over and over again.
I had to learn this lesson with wanting to be a wife and mother and now here I am learning the lesson again. I yearned to be a wife and mother for 14 years before I was able to become a wife and then yearned to be a mother for 2 more years before S came along. I guess I am improving a little though as the big blow up with my family really hit right about 2 years ago and I'm realizing now that I really have to give this to God and live in expectant faith. It took me WAY longer that 2 years to get to this place in regard to being a wife and mother. I was so angry and so hateful for so long that God blessed me in not letting me get married or pregnant during that time. Oh the pain that He has saved me from.
Lately I really have been in an angry, hateful place. It's hard to admit that but I have. I'm still really angry about what went on two years ago and since. On the advice of one of my favorite priests I've really limited contact with my family of origin and that has helped some, but obviously not to the point that I would have hoped. I'm nervous about my mom coming for Christmas as I know that the scab is getting ripped off... Hopefully I can remember to offer it up.
Prayer Buddy - In this last week of Advent, please pray for healing in my family of origin.
I totally understand how you're feeling. I'm very happy that my parents are going away for three months right after Christmas. I can't wait.
ReplyDeleteI too have been dealing with anger management :) for almost 8 years. Good thing The Lord is a very good and gentle physician. If you don't mind, I'd love to read your other blog.
ReplyDeleteOops, I forgot to include the e-mail. I tried to e-mail you personally,but I couldn't open your e-mail address link. am3liaa at yahoo dot com sending prayers to your way
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time right now. Family matters are wounds that run deep. I hope you can remain strong and peaceful at Christmas.
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