Sunday, February 26, 2012

Lenten Mysteries

Thank you for your prayers.  Emotionally I'm feeling better than I was when I wrote the last post.  I wish I could say that I feel better physically but hey 50% is pretty good right?  I had hoped that I'd be able to get off the progesterone this pregnancy but it seems that might not be possible.  I tried going off the progesterone around the 3rd and was feeling pretty good on the 15th when I had my next draw.  Then on the 17th I received a somewhat worried call from my midwife asking me how I was feeling.  I was still feeling okay, not as good as 2 days earlier when I had the draw but not bad.  Turns out that my progesterone had taken a pretty significant drop.  Later that day I started cramping some.  I tried to pass it off as psychosomatic but by 11 pm that night I was not willing to take the risk of continuing off the progesterone.  I was able to talk to Dr. O's office on the 21st and they were glad that I went back on the progesterone as although I had been right in the middle of zone 3 on the progesterone, off of it I was almost down to zone 1 on the 15th.  I'm certain that I was fully in zone 1 by Friday when I started cramping.  Officially that's the lowest I've ever been known to go in pregnancy.  The recovery has been slow but I'm starting to feel that things are getting back to where they should be.

One thing that has really helped me lately is starting the H.ypno b.abies Home Study course.  The relaxation that I've achieved just in the last week has been truly wonderful.  I really noticed the difference when I went to the chiropractor on Friday.  As I was reviewing my symptoms since my last visit, I realized that I had less headaches since starting the h.ypnosis cds.  I so wish that I'd done this course when I was pregnant with S.

Back to 2009...  The weekend of 2/14 and 2/15 was a blur of emotions.  I remember that I was nervous about meeting Dr. O for the first time at the end of the weekend, but so excited that we were off to D.uke in about a week and a half.  On 2/15 we traveled about 3 hours from our house to a resort area near Dr. O's office where we had a nice dinner and stayed the night.  We met Dr. O for the first time on Monday the 16th (President's Day that year).  Our FCP believed that I was a surgery candidate from the first time she looked at my charts but encouraged me to see Dr. O before calling surgeons.  Dr. O confirmed that I was a surgery candidate and supported me calling Dr. Y.  We traveled home that day and on Tuesday 2/17 my only task was to call Dr. Y's office and see if there was any way he'd be able to fit me in the following week when I was there.  I of course waited until the last minute as I didn't want to face being laughed at and told that it was impossible to see the doctor the next week.  We had been very busy the week before so I decided to get caught up on my favorite television shows rather than make the call.  ALL of the shows had to do with D.uke and / or N.C...  I knew it was a sign.  I finally made the call and spoke to a very sweet woman who gave me SEVERAL options for seeing Dr. Y the next week.  I was sobbing.

I don't really remember much about getting ready for the trip.  Before we knew it, it was Tuesday 2/24 and we were off to the airport.  Thankfully we got to the airport a little earlier than we needed to, as we then found out that our original flight had been canceled due to maintenance issues and they were able to get us on a slightly earlier flight.  The people behind us ended up on a much later flight.  The first leg of the journey I just slept (I'm not sure that I'd slept the night before).  Then on the second leg, I went to pull out the book I intended to read that trip and couldn't find it.  I assumed that I had left it at home.  Our next layover was Dulles (a stop that was not on our original itinerary).  When we got to Dulles, I headed to the nearest book shop to find something to read on our trip.  When I walked in the book shop I turned left and saw Our Lady of K.ibeho sitting on the top shelf.  There had been a great deal of talk on the Catholic IF blogs that month about I.mmaculee (some of the bloggers had just recently met her at a conference in the RDU area) and her newest book Our Lady of K.ibeho.  I took me forgetting my other book and finding this book so easily as a sign and picked it up.  Our last leg was just a short hop from Dulles to RDU so I didn't actually have much time to read.

When we made it to RDU, our first task was finding rental car that had never been smoked in.  We were continually assured that none of their cars had ever been smoked in, yet each one had ash in it and smelled like a smoky bar.  We finally found one that didn't set off my asthma so bad at the rental place only to have to pretty much keep the windows rolled down as much as possible.  Oh the things that seem funny now.

Wednesday 2/25 was Ash Wednesday that year.  E had a workshop at D.uke all day and well into the evening so I was on my own.  I dropped E off in the morning and then made my way to a H.arris T.eeter to find Lenten food for the day.  I decided to get a loaf of olive bread, some raw almonds and some dried apricots.  That with bottled water was to be my sustenance for the day.  To this day, that was the most observant I ever was of Ash Wednesday.  I think the hope was so palpable that I found it easier to be more observant.  I spent the day exploring D.urham and had a wonderful time.  I don't remember what time I went to Mass but I remember well the parish.  The church had been remodeled to a very modern look but it was a wonderfully devout Mass that fed my soul.  It was a hard Mass for me as it was the first time that I had gone to Mass by myself in years and yet it was good for me to be there that day.

Finally it was Thursday 2/26 (3 years ago today).  E once again had the workshop but had planned to be done by the time of my appointment.  I once again had the morning to myself and explored D.urham more.  Then I picked up E and headed to Dr. Y's office.  I remember I was so incredibly nervous.  I tried to read Our Lady of K.ibeho but was having a hard time comprehending anything.  The appointment with Dr. Y was long and yet it flew by.  I don't remember much except at the beginning and the end.  The end was the part that stuck with me the most.  I remember him saying that he was going to do everything he could to restore my fertility "but" and he stopped.  I finished his sentence "But God is ultimately in control."  We both nodded and I knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.  Then a few minutes later as I was gathering my things, Dr. Y saw my book and said "I met her recently." meaning I.mmaculee.  We went on to say a few things that I won't write here but I walked out stunned.  I was confused and had no idea what was happening.  It was clear that I'd just been given a clue to a piece of  God's plan that I couldn't begin to understand in that moment.  It would be about a month more before I would understand the piece that struck me the hardest.  Ultimately though, although I knew something great was about to happen, I am still unpacking all the mysteries of that year.

As E and I were reliving 26 Feb 2009 a few hours ago, he asked "Wasn't that the night that we accidentally set a napkin on fire?"  That's a story for another day, but tonight I pray for that poor waiter who put up with us 3 years ago tonight.

I pray that your Lenten journey is a very blessed one!

P.S. Please ignore all the grammatical errors, I really have to get something else done today. ;o)

Monday, February 13, 2012

Signs and a prayer request

Three years ago tonight there was so much excitement in this house.  We weren't sure what was going to happen and we didn't really understand what the sign we had just received meant but we were sure of one thing...  we knew God had just sent us a big sign.

Let me back up just a bit.  So I first heard Dr. Y's name on The Abundant Life's show that aired the week of February 4, 2009.  Dr. Y's name isn't spelled how I expected it to be so it took me about a week to find the correct spelling and therefore find anything about him.  In the meantime I had found a good amount about Dr. S who was also recommended in the show and of course I already knew about Dr. Hilgers.

So right around the 12th or 13th, I sat E down to show him the information I had found so far on Dr. Y, Dr. S and Dr. H.  We started praying that night that God would lead us to the doctor God intended.  I ASSUMED it would be Dr. H!  I say that partly because my first boyfriend and my first true love was living in Omaha by then and I had this idea of introducing him to my husband and him introducing me to his wife...  blah blah blah...  dumb idea but still that's what I thought was coming.  I also thought with Dr. H's wait list that we were in for the long wait...  Boy was I ever wrong.

Back to Friday the 13th 2009, we had been praying for 24-48 hours for God to send us a sign letting us know which doctor was right.  E met with a man that day he'd not worked with before to see about helping him with a project.  E and the man hit it off and E was excited about the project.  Then just about 5:30 pm, E received an e-mail from the man heading the new project asking E if he could attend a workshop at D.uke U.niversity in less than 2 weeks!  I can't remember if E called me first or sent the e-mail to me first, but soon we were on the phone crying as Dr. Y was at D.uke at the time and we knew God had a hand in all of this.  As excited as I was, there was no way I could imagine what was to come.

So now to the present prayer request.  I've been struggling with this pregnancy quite a bit, quite frankly I struggle all the time.  I've struggled with day to day life since I was at least 12 years old.  The pregnancy with S just about did me in but I was blessed in that I didn't have a 20 month old to look after.  My midwife is really wonderful and she believes in treating symptoms not numbers.  I thought this is great, I'll finally be able to get some help.  I've been chasing what I thought to be a thyroid diagnosis since high school.  She was all set to treat my thyroid until she ran some blood work on me and my thyroid numbers were better than they've been in a while, they are always really great but this time they were much better, truly stellar numbers and ratios.  In the same blood work I hit some tickers for auto-immune.  We already knew that I had a high CRP and were struggling to make sense of that in light of no obvious infection.  Ultimately this has been a long time coming but my midwife finally said it to me when she was  here 2 weeks ago.  She thinks I have MS.  It's been in the back of my mind for a long time.  Back before I got pregnant with S I was having a great deal of trouble with my legs being numb in some spots and burning in others.  Whenever I would look into it very much, MS kept coming up.  I'm not willing to go through the tests needed to possibly confirm the diagnosis at this time.  Partly because I don't think they are safe in pregnancy and partly because I figure why go through painful tests when I'm not willing to take the immune suppressing drugs that would be prescribed if I were diagnosed.  Regardless, I'm a little down and could use some prayer.  I haven't told anyone but E, my chiropractor and my massage therapist.  I wish I could tell my family but I just don't need that drama right now.  I'm blessed that I have help with S.  Our nanny is wonderful and E fills in as needed when she's off.  I know that I'm called to offer this up and I pray for the grace to do so.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Three years ago today...

I first heard Dr. Y's name.  I can't remember who's blog I saw it on first and who's blog had the link to Percolating Petals' site. I guess it doesn't matter. Somehow right about 11 AM PST, 3 years ago today I found either this post or this post.  It took me a bit before I realized that 2 PM EST was right then at that moment.  Then it took me a few minutes to get E.WTN up and streaming.  I also can't remember for sure, but I'm pretty sure that day I knew that it wasn't just coincidence that I found those blog posts at that moment on that day.  I knew we were on a journey, I just didn't know how amazing it was going to turn out.

So come along with me on this journey.  I can't write all the details on a public blog (some details I can't even write on a private blog to protect others' privacy) but I hope to be able to give you as much of the story as possible and hopefully that will be enough for you to experience some of our miracle.  I'm going to try to give you the story as it happened.  This will be a journey that will take us into August...  I'm sure that it is not a coincidence that the story will last the rest of this pregnancy.

Blessings, CC