Lenten Mysteries

Thank you for your prayers.  Emotionally I'm feeling better than I was when I wrote the last post.  I wish I could say that I feel better physically but hey 50% is pretty good right?  I had hoped that I'd be able to get off the progesterone this pregnancy but it seems that might not be possible.  I tried going off the progesterone around the 3rd and was feeling pretty good on the 15th when I had my next draw.  Then on the 17th I received a somewhat worried call from my midwife asking me how I was feeling.  I was still feeling okay, not as good as 2 days earlier when I had the draw but not bad.  Turns out that my progesterone had taken a pretty significant drop.  Later that day I started cramping some.  I tried to pass it off as psychosomatic but by 11 pm that night I was not willing to take the risk of continuing off the progesterone.  I was able to talk to Dr. O's office on the 21st and they were glad that I went back on the progesterone as although I had been right in the middle of zone 3 on the progesterone, off of it I was almost down to zone 1 on the 15th.  I'm certain that I was fully in zone 1 by Friday when I started cramping.  Officially that's the lowest I've ever been known to go in pregnancy.  The recovery has been slow but I'm starting to feel that things are getting back to where they should be.

One thing that has really helped me lately is starting the H.ypno b.abies Home Study course.  The relaxation that I've achieved just in the last week has been truly wonderful.  I really noticed the difference when I went to the chiropractor on Friday.  As I was reviewing my symptoms since my last visit, I realized that I had less headaches since starting the h.ypnosis cds.  I so wish that I'd done this course when I was pregnant with S.

Back to 2009...  The weekend of 2/14 and 2/15 was a blur of emotions.  I remember that I was nervous about meeting Dr. O for the first time at the end of the weekend, but so excited that we were off to D.uke in about a week and a half.  On 2/15 we traveled about 3 hours from our house to a resort area near Dr. O's office where we had a nice dinner and stayed the night.  We met Dr. O for the first time on Monday the 16th (President's Day that year).  Our FCP believed that I was a surgery candidate from the first time she looked at my charts but encouraged me to see Dr. O before calling surgeons.  Dr. O confirmed that I was a surgery candidate and supported me calling Dr. Y.  We traveled home that day and on Tuesday 2/17 my only task was to call Dr. Y's office and see if there was any way he'd be able to fit me in the following week when I was there.  I of course waited until the last minute as I didn't want to face being laughed at and told that it was impossible to see the doctor the next week.  We had been very busy the week before so I decided to get caught up on my favorite television shows rather than make the call.  ALL of the shows had to do with D.uke and / or N.C...  I knew it was a sign.  I finally made the call and spoke to a very sweet woman who gave me SEVERAL options for seeing Dr. Y the next week.  I was sobbing.

I don't really remember much about getting ready for the trip.  Before we knew it, it was Tuesday 2/24 and we were off to the airport.  Thankfully we got to the airport a little earlier than we needed to, as we then found out that our original flight had been canceled due to maintenance issues and they were able to get us on a slightly earlier flight.  The people behind us ended up on a much later flight.  The first leg of the journey I just slept (I'm not sure that I'd slept the night before).  Then on the second leg, I went to pull out the book I intended to read that trip and couldn't find it.  I assumed that I had left it at home.  Our next layover was Dulles (a stop that was not on our original itinerary).  When we got to Dulles, I headed to the nearest book shop to find something to read on our trip.  When I walked in the book shop I turned left and saw Our Lady of K.ibeho sitting on the top shelf.  There had been a great deal of talk on the Catholic IF blogs that month about I.mmaculee (some of the bloggers had just recently met her at a conference in the RDU area) and her newest book Our Lady of K.ibeho.  I took me forgetting my other book and finding this book so easily as a sign and picked it up.  Our last leg was just a short hop from Dulles to RDU so I didn't actually have much time to read.

When we made it to RDU, our first task was finding rental car that had never been smoked in.  We were continually assured that none of their cars had ever been smoked in, yet each one had ash in it and smelled like a smoky bar.  We finally found one that didn't set off my asthma so bad at the rental place only to have to pretty much keep the windows rolled down as much as possible.  Oh the things that seem funny now.

Wednesday 2/25 was Ash Wednesday that year.  E had a workshop at D.uke all day and well into the evening so I was on my own.  I dropped E off in the morning and then made my way to a H.arris T.eeter to find Lenten food for the day.  I decided to get a loaf of olive bread, some raw almonds and some dried apricots.  That with bottled water was to be my sustenance for the day.  To this day, that was the most observant I ever was of Ash Wednesday.  I think the hope was so palpable that I found it easier to be more observant.  I spent the day exploring D.urham and had a wonderful time.  I don't remember what time I went to Mass but I remember well the parish.  The church had been remodeled to a very modern look but it was a wonderfully devout Mass that fed my soul.  It was a hard Mass for me as it was the first time that I had gone to Mass by myself in years and yet it was good for me to be there that day.

Finally it was Thursday 2/26 (3 years ago today).  E once again had the workshop but had planned to be done by the time of my appointment.  I once again had the morning to myself and explored D.urham more.  Then I picked up E and headed to Dr. Y's office.  I remember I was so incredibly nervous.  I tried to read Our Lady of K.ibeho but was having a hard time comprehending anything.  The appointment with Dr. Y was long and yet it flew by.  I don't remember much except at the beginning and the end.  The end was the part that stuck with me the most.  I remember him saying that he was going to do everything he could to restore my fertility "but" and he stopped.  I finished his sentence "But God is ultimately in control."  We both nodded and I knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.  Then a few minutes later as I was gathering my things, Dr. Y saw my book and said "I met her recently." meaning I.mmaculee.  We went on to say a few things that I won't write here but I walked out stunned.  I was confused and had no idea what was happening.  It was clear that I'd just been given a clue to a piece of  God's plan that I couldn't begin to understand in that moment.  It would be about a month more before I would understand the piece that struck me the hardest.  Ultimately though, although I knew something great was about to happen, I am still unpacking all the mysteries of that year.

As E and I were reliving 26 Feb 2009 a few hours ago, he asked "Wasn't that the night that we accidentally set a napkin on fire?"  That's a story for another day, but tonight I pray for that poor waiter who put up with us 3 years ago tonight.

I pray that your Lenten journey is a very blessed one!

P.S. Please ignore all the grammatical errors, I really have to get something else done today. ;o)