Rest In Peace Baby M

Baby M went home to Jesus this afternoon.  She was 10 weeks old.  Please continue to pray for her parents and their families as they struggle to understand God's plan and grieve the loss of their sweet baby. Please pray for God to hold them in His arms and infuse them with His grace.

Here we go again

I feel weird complaining about my cycles when not too far away my worst nightmare is coming true for someone else and yet we must go on.

I'm pretty sure that I'm on CD 2...  I'm back to so many red stickers that deciphering CD1 is a little hard again.  I have a lot to do today and I'm flooding so heavy that it's hard to be away from the lieu very long.  Poor S was really mad at me for making her go down for a nap early but we have a lot to do this afternoon and I needed her to go down.  None of us slept well last night anyway so she really needs the sleep.  On the upside I have more energy than I did at the beginning of the week.  I'm guessing that the green smoothies are responsible for me not being asleep on the sofa right now.

I can't believe that tomorrow is the last day of prayer buddies.  I'm looking forward to the big reveal.

The answer is Yes until the Author of Life says No...

A few weeks ago when I was visiting the parish where I was confirmed, the new parochial vicar there said the above quote while asking for prayer for someone who was on life support.  The quote echoed in my heart as I read the latest update on Baby M..

Baby M is on life support. Current brain function tests so far are negative. One more is scheduled for tomorrow...  The prognosis is not good. Pray God will spare Baby M's parents from having to make the decision to end life support. Please keep, Baby M and her family in your thoughts and prayers.


I don't know Baby M's parents, they are friends of friends but I don't think I've ever met them, and yet they have been constantly on my heart since I read about the dire situation with Baby M last night.  E and I are definitely holding our baby a little tighter tonight and not minding as much as normal that S isn't in a mood to sleep.  St. Michael pray for us!

Update on Prayer Request

Baby M is no better, she is still on the ventilator and the grandmother reported that she is being given adrenaline just to keep her heart going.

Please continue to keep them all in your prayers!

Urgent Prayer Request

A local family found their baby girl M in her crib not breathing today. They have airlifted her to S.acred H.eart Hospital two hours away and the doctors have very little hope for her. They estimate she was not breathing for maybe a half hour.


The mom is at the hospital now and the dad is on the way there with his mother-in-law. Please pray for the dad as he is feeling extremely guilty becasue he was caring for her and feels like he should have been able to prevent the SIDS.


Please pray for baby M and her whole family as well as her care providers.

Kicking my bum

I was hoping that I wouldn't have very much of a detox reaction to starting the green smoothies again...  oh well! Thankfully E will be home early today (the end of the fiscal year usually brings weekend work for E) and then I'll have our mother's helper here tomorrow and Tuesday.  Hopefully things will settle down by then.

............... my brain is totally dead...........  There was something else that I planned to write but all I can think about is sleep and peanut butter.  I guess I'll close and see if I can get a few minutes sleep before S wakes up from her nap.

Wasps and other bumps in the road

That title sounds ominous doesn't it...  Actually almost everything that has happened since I last updated has been good.  I'm  just in a bit of a writers block for titles. ;o)

We hired both the girls that had second interviews.  The one with the NC connection is working out fabulously as the mother's helper.  She fits better than I could have dreamed.  The other girl is getting up to speed with the housework.  I'm worried about how we are going to afford this and yet life is so much better with help that I know I just have to leave it in God's hands.

The only real drama has been yellow jackets.  Due to some unseasonably cool weather until recently and now some unseasonably warm weather we have had a really bad time with yellow jackets for about the last month.  Usually they are not an issue after labor day but I have been literally cut off from S two times in the last week.  I've decided that until we get some colder weather I'm going to try to avoid being out at mid-day when they are the worst.

E and I went to a talk by the Green Smoothie Girl last night. The diet that she encourages is different from the GAPS diet and yet the two are not as divorced as one might initially think.  We purchased her 12 Steps to Whole Foods Complete Course which I had been praying about and was discounted at the talk.  E and I are committing to working through the 12 steps over the next year and will include GAPS based diet knowledge as well, primarily in our use of bone broths which is something I don't think that Green Smoothie Girl covers. We're excited to introduce green smoothies to S as well.

This morning I hit the farmer's market to get a bunch of greens.  It really is amazing how cheaply you can get good wholesome food at the farmer's markets.  I have no idea how much three bags full of organic produce would have cost at the grocery store but it was only $26 at the farmer's market.  By next week I should have a better idea of just how much greens we will need each week.

I know I'm forgetting a bunch but I have to get ready for Mass.  Please pray that S sleeps through Mass.  She hasn't had a nap yet (not that we haven't tried - we tried hard).  So there is a possibility that if she doesn't sleep through Mass that one of us will have to sit with her in the car.

Prayer buddy during these last few days would you please pray for healing for me and my family, body mind and spirit.  And for a special intention.  Thank you!

Weaknesses

I'm not good at hiring, firing and supervising...  So what the heck am I doing?  I guess I'm working though my weaknesses.  It's been really hard for me to take off that social worker hat from my past and remember that if they are not a good fit that I just have to move on.

The girl from Friday night that had the same last name as a blogger had a family emergency in OH and withdrew her application.  So we have 2 women who will meet S later today.  I like both of them so it comes down to who works best with S.  I'm so thankful that E will be here to get to know them and give his opinion too.

I didn't offer a second interview to the other woman from Friday.  I just sent her a note saying that I thought she'd find a better fit with another family and wishing her the best.  Now I have to write the same thing to a young woman that I interviewed yesterday....  it was by far the worst interview.  She was a couple minutes late arriving to the coffee shop, then rather than hurry in stood outside the coffee shop and had a phone conversation making her even later to the interview.  Once inside she didn't even apologize for being late but the kicker was that she was in 5" stilettos and false eyelashes...  sigh.  I kept her interview as brief a possible as I knew right away that she was not going to be a good fit with S.  I did ask a few questions to confirm though and yup, just not a good fit.  She really was a sweet girl though.  I just told her that I'd let her know if she was selected for a second interview by this evening.  I pray that she will find a family where she fits better.

One of the women that is coming for a second interview today has a NC connection.  I'm not sure how much I've written on this blog about the NC connection...  We have been getting clear signs about NC, D.urham, D.uke, and the T.riangle since the first Wednesday in February 2009.  At first it was what we used to know that we were on the right track in going to see Dr. Y at D.uke but then once surgery was over the signs never stopped.  Every time we ask God to help us understand, they get more frequent and more bizarre.  E and I laugh about it and say that we'll probably have to ask God face to face someday "What the heck was all that for?"  If all of this was just to make sure that we get the right mother's helper, then I guess that's okay.  Seems a bit overkill though. ;o)

Mass yesterday was exactly what I needed after a day of interviewing.  I felt so renewed and hopeful at the end of Mass that I almost didn't want it to end.  Even though things aren't right in Rome, we're still aiming for the old college try this cycle.  Of course that would be easier if our toddler wasn't teething right now.  Fertile signs started just before bed night before last and things still haven't worked out yet.

After Mass I was talking to a friend who's a sweet older widow.  I told her about the interviewing and she told me to ask St. Anthony for help.  I laughed and told her that S brought me a St. Anthony Novena booklet on Friday.  I have no idea where she even found it.  We both ended up having a good laugh but of course I don't believe in coincidences...  St. Anthony pray for us!

I'm also going to start this bible study on the 28th.  I've been missing being part of a bible study and I think this one is a great one for me to do now.  I've done similar studies and think this will be a great review with some new information but not so much that it's too much for now, if that makes sense.

Oh well, I have to eat something, get a shower and pick up a little before the interviews start.  Please pray that S takes a nap.

Quick update

I should be in bed already but I'm so excited about something that I had to post.  I was not looking forward to charting but I know that I have to if I want to go back on hCG injections.  I've been charting but have yet to put the stickers on my chart so I didn't realize until tonight that I actually get to use GREEN stickers!!  I guess I'm still way healthier than I was as I was a total yellow sticker girl before pregnancy.  In fact prior to pregnancy I think I'd used maybe 2 green stickers ever.  Now to remember where I put all those green stickers. ;o)

The interviews tonight were better than most of the others so far.  The first woman had a ton of experience, maybe too much...  I think she was trying to prove how much she knew about children but she ended coming off as arrogant.  Maybe she was just nervous but it may cost her a second interview depending on how the other women do.  I want to interview tomorrow's candidates before I decide for sure.  The second woman had almost no paid experience but I can probably see her fitting in here better.  Unless the two girls in the morning blow me out of the water, the second girl from tonight will probably be invited to a 2nd interview.

Funny enough the 2nd girl is Catholic, from OH and has the same last name as another blogger.  That could be a good sign.  My bed is calling.  Please pray that by 1 PM PDT that I have a clear idea about who I should offer a second interview to.

Speechless

So the woman from last night that was supposed to meet S tonight during her second interview called asking to have her interview earlier because she had something come up with her family.  Thank you God that I didn't have to call her.  I told her that it was probably providential as the more I thought about last night the more I thought that she would be a better fit with a family that was less attachment oriented.

Then I got a phone call from S's Godmother that made me speechless.  Although my version of speechless is to ramble on about things that don't matter...  S's Godmother is pregnant again.  I'm so happy for her and yet as I'm typing this the tears are starting to flow.  It took everything that I had in me to not burst into tears on the phone.   So there I am speechless again.

Ugh!

Well, I offered a second interview to the person from tonight but I have some strong reservations.  She seems to have negative ideas about attachment parenting even though it's clear that she doesn't know what it is and she expressed concern about her sister "going overboard" on organics.  I'm not sure if she means processed things that are labeled organic or what.  It was funny though as it was clear that our styles are pretty much polar opposite.  So the big question is can she adapt to our style?

I really need somebody though so if she and S get along and she says she's willing to adapt to our style then I might give her a try.  Maybe I should just start praying about the other lady that I'm interviewing on Friday!  There's a couple of other people that have contacted me too so hopefully I can find someone that's a good enough fit that I can get this house cleaned out.

Prayer Request

Tonight at 6:15 PM PDT, I'm interviewing someone for the mother's helper position.  I have another first interview on Friday night but she seems a little bossy.  I'm really praying that the woman tonight works out.  I know it's a silly little thing compared to all the other prayer requests out there but any prayerful thought you could throw my way is much appreciated.

I just had a brief stabbing pain in my right side and my first thought was "Fudge muffins!  Can't I get a break?"  My BBT for the last 2 days has been 96.9.  I need to make an appointment with my primary doc and take this article with me.  Even my research scientist husband who takes a lot of convincing is convinced that my thyroid is off.  My hope is that getting someone to help me with S a few hours a week will give me the time to take care of myself.  Of course, I'm here blogging rather than on the phone with my docs.  So while I've been sitting here, I've had two more brief stabbing pains...  I guess I could start timing them but I think I take a nap instead since S is asleep.

I think I'm finally done with pumping.  S had the last of the milk this morning.  I'm sad and yet I feel free to just enjoy our time.  She is such a magical little girl and I was missing so much with her.  I'm enjoying being a mom more so that's probably more important than the milk.  Oh, that nap is really calling me.

I guess some people have to learn their own lessens

I'll admit it.  I'm pretty hard headed and often insist on learning my own lessons.  I'm also pretty likely to stick my foot in my mouth.  I was just surprised to see a friend of mine that is struggling with primary infertility post "10 weeks and craving..."  I feel bad for her as now some of her friends and family really think that she is finally pregnant.  Please pray for my friend as she corrects her friends and family.

I'm supposed to be calling people back for the mother's helper position but I'm having a hard time getting going today.  I've been temping every 2 hours today for my primary doc who wants to see at least 3 average daily temps.  Today's average is 97.93.  I also need to make an appointment with my NaPro doc but of course I'm procrastinating!  At least I'm half listening to the homily on EWTN...  that's productive right? ;o)

It's good to know we're not alone

I think the most helpful part of the blogging world has been seeing that I'm not alone.  In my frustration over the f.acebook thing, I went looking for those who were also frustrated and found this wonderful post that expresses my feelings way better than I ever could.

Unfortunately, I'm beginning to accept the label of secondary infertility.  I know I'm only on my 3rd cycle since pregnancy but I'm on my 15th day of my period...  obviously something ain't right in Rome.  Maybe all I need is hCG but will that take care of the pain where I feel like I'm being ripped apart?  I actually took a high sensitivity pregnancy test yesterday to see if by some chance I had just tested too early and then miscarried.  The test was negative.  Anyway, it was good for me to find the post above because she lives with secondary IF.  I'm more and more drawn to the blogs of others living with secondary IF.  Of course this is new to me since before I had a hard time reading any blogs with children.

In other news, I'm weaning off of pumping.  Maybe today I won't pump just to see how that goes.  It is easier to be a mom to S without all the drama of pumping with D-MER.  I pray that if I'm blessed to get pregnant again that I won't have to deal with D-MER or pumping.  I guess a girl gets to dream right?

P.S.  The more I think about it, the real reason I didn't read blogs of those dealing with secondary IF before was I didn't want to think about secondary IF.  I was hoping that I'd turn into one of those fertile mertiles once I got pregnant the first time.  Oh well! ;o)

F.acebook strikes again

I'm so tired of these stupid games on Fa.cebook.  This is what I got in my inbox this morning:
Ok pretty ladies, it's that time of year again, in support of breast cancer awareness!!
So we all remember last years game of writing your bra color as your status?.....or the way we like to have our handbag handy?
Remember last year so many people took part that it made national news and, the constant updating of status reminded everyone why we're doing this and helped raise awareness!!
Do NOT tell any males what the status' mean, keep them guessing!! And please copy and paste (in a message )this to all your female friends to see if we can make a bigger fuss this year than last year!!!

I did my part... now YOUR turn ! Go on ladies...and let's have all the males guessing! .. It's time to confuse the men again (not that its really that hard to do :)) Everyone knows it makes their brains work wonders on what we're talkin about!!
The idea is to choose the month you were born and the day you were born. Pass this on to the girls only and lets see how far it reaches around. The last one about the bra went round allovr the world. So you'll write... I'm (your birth month) weeks and I'm craving (your birth date)!!! as your status


Example: Feb 14th= I'm 2 weeks and craving Choclolate mints!! ;);)
January-1week
Febuary-2weeks
March-3weeks
April-4weeks
May-6weeks
June-8weeks
July-10weeks
August-12weeks
September-13weeks
October-14weeks
November-16weeks
December-18weeks
Days of the month:

1- Skittles
2- Starburst
3- Kit-Kat
4- M&M's
5- Tomatoes
6- Ice Cream
7- Dairy Milk
8- Lollipop
9- Peanut Butter Cups
10- Meat Balls
11- Twizzlers
12- Bubble Gum
13- Hershey's Kisses
14- Chocolate Mints
15- Twix
16- Cheese
17- Fudge
18- Cherry Jello
19- Banana's
20- Pickels
21- Chicken Wings
22- Skittlesb
23- Gummy Bears
24- Gummy Worms
25- Strawberry Pop Tarts
26- Starburst
27- Mini Eggs
28- Kit-Kat Chunkie
29- Double Chocolate Chip Chrunchy Cookies
30- Smarties
31- Chocolate Cake
I replied saying that it was insensitive to those living with infertility and urged people not to participate.  I didn't get into how insensitive it is to people like my aunt who wouldn't get the joke and would really think that I was pregnant.
I googled this and found a couple others that have lived through infertility saying that they were offended along with others saying that they shouldn't be offended.  What do you think?

Stressed

Well, my favorite person from the interviews the other night said she took another job.  I wrote her back asking for feedback on how I can better attract someone like her to the job.  If she says more money, then there's probably not much I can do but I'm hoping that she can give me some good feedback that can help.

I'm feeling discouraged.  I wish I had at least one sane family member that had time to come help with S so that I could get this house in order.  Alas the only sane family members that are capable of helping with S have to work and this place needs a couple months of hard work 2-3 days a week to get it back to a place where it will be easier to maintain.  Clutter is just so time consuming!

I'm flooding again today.  Funny enough other than being tired I feel pretty good.  I've always been amazed that I feel the most stable when I'm flooding away.  It's super annoying though to stand up and feel a gush.

S is playing away so sweetly.  I'm thinking that she must be trying to poop as she normally wouldn't give me this long!